I think my fart just growled at me.
So there's dick imprints in the peanut butter
my mom took me to a gay bar and went on and on about all her good times at clubs... i now know where i get it
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
"Do You Wanna Build a Snowman" came on while I was riding his dick. I had to take a moment.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
You told the guy in Wawa you needed his hoagie for "a scavenger hunt" and then called him a "fuckstained Muggle" when he didn't give it to you. You are a delight.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
And by "have lunch together" you mean me giving you a blow job in the back of your Tahoe, right?
Hahah I’ve never had someone stop me mid-coitus to tell me how amazing I am. Def ego boost.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
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