Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
worms taste like bacon by the way.
I always wondered what they tasted like.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
I bought us both waterproof cases so we can sext through FaceTime in the shower.
Next. Level. Shit.
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
Randomize
