wouldn't it be funny if when girls shaved their vaginas, they gave them sideburns?
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
i learned of a new sex move called the pterodactyl. 3 guys stand in a row. 1 girl blows the one in the middle while jerking off the other two. kids these days!
Yaeh! Back in our day we had to wait our turn for some party whore to blow us!
well there you go. the average partycunt evolved into megapartycunt just like scientists predicted.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
Every time I roll over in bed I land on a different vibrator. I feel I'm the only one with this problem.
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
Do you think the police would frown on me opening a psych drug pharmacy on the side? Just to dispose of my drugs without polluting the water supply! It is for the animals!
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
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