she took her bra off and it was like the puppet strings had been dropped. her tits totally deflated.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
You stumbled in at 10am, half-clothed and still drunk from last night and yelled "well, its not called a walk of pride!", then passed out on the couch.
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
I forgot to ask you how long you're housesitting. By which I mean how many bones can I get in averaging 2.5 bones per day.
20.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
Pretty good. Thinking about getting day drunk and filling out job applications so I don't hate myself as much
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Randomize
