On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
just because she blew him doesn't mean she knows his name.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
its official. the only way for my hair to look good is to blow somebody
There's a knife in my toilet. And I meant to ask you last night if you got a hair cut?
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
we have to top last new years. except im not ready for jail. that can wait a couple years
We used the solo cup bag for her hair tie. Desperate times call for desperate measures.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
On the plus side, I know I'm allergic to latex now. Like really fucking allergic
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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