hell yes lets make some ravioli
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Every bathroom has like throw up and like bagels in it. Richie didn't even have bagels.
Ryan Reynolds is on sesame street right now. Dressed as a letter A but still sexy as fuck. PBS is so considerate of the stay at home mom.
I heard from the downstairs bathroom "WHY CAN'T I WIPE MY ASS IN PEACE!" and a pisscrate of glass bottles breaking
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
after you got high, you started to make guac with your bare hands and said: "there's soda bubbles in my legs"
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
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