guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
For some reason I have a hard time believing getting drunk and recreating a movie about singing transvestites is ever very far from a situation you're in.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
I will cut you
Oddly enough thats the second time today someones said that to me
Put that in perspective
At least you get to smell pizza at your job. I just smell despair all day long.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
Let's be honest dude, you almost cried when I gave you a handy, you are not ready for a relationship, I knew this.
I got your flops too. But yeah you rolled off your raft a bunch of times so we had to ask the white trash squad to help you back on. You bit one of them
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