That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
She wanted to watch a Baby Einstein DVD while we fucked. I'm pretty open minded but that felt a little creepy.
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I did too many shots and now a kitten is trying to eat my bagel.
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I shaved my balls for you. Do you have any idea how hard that is?
Turns out tits aren't quite as effective an enticement when they know for a fact that they can't touch.
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