Well all I remember is going to sleep being big spoon to you and waking up being little spoon to *****
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
So I totally just remembered that you tried to smoke a hornet out of it's nest.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
I have a bad feeling I'm going to like this fuck buddy
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
In retrospect, vomiting out of a moving vehicle on the third date should have been a deal breaker
Its my nipple ring piercing anniversary. We need to celebrate.
the staff put glowsticks in the urinals of the porta-pottys last night and honestly drunk me has never been more grateful for anything in his life
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
Randomize
