I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
The guy I fucked in San Diego is camping with us for coachella... Awk.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
The funny thing is, we kinda did bring guys home cause you had a fort...
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
I feel like every man should aspire to get a blowjob from a sword swallower.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
Worst case scenario- he paid me for sex with meatloaf. There are worse thing, right? I mean at least is was good meatloaf.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
