He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
the best things in life are free. have that freshly fucked look and doing the walk of shame by HIS girlfriend.....priceless
I told him that all frat guys do it... it was that easy to get him to go down on me.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
I got Green Bay stickers to put on my nipples. This way when I flash it will look like I did it out of spirit as opposed to drunkenness
I was crying hysterically and you wouldn't stop petting my ear and shushing me every time I tried to say something.
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
Well after we were arrested you just kept chanting "Like a good neighbor state farm is there"
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
Grandma and I are gonna see the new Tarzan movie, because we both appreciate shirtless Swedish men
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
