ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
Someday soon you'll wake up next to a bottle of jameson and a half eaten lean cuisine and then you'll be just like me.
it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I'm wearing boardshorts as underwear to work. This is bachelorhood
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
i'm currently connecting with my tribal roots aka i just found my recorder from 3rd grade music class... be ready for the recording
Today was my cousin's Kindergarten graduation. I happen to also think of it as a MILF convention.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I am literally so hung over that I just opened up my emergency kit, got out a survival meal replacement bar and ate it.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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