well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
Yes I hit her with my car. Yes I gave her a ride home. And yes she gave me her number. What's the problem?
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
Let's say hypothetically if you were going to put icing on a penis and then lick it clean...what would you ice it with? Not a knife right?
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
Randomize
