when i was alone, his dick was there for me...
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Well... this vagina won't eat itself
I just puked in my non fat yogurt... But it's non fat in hopes that someone wants to eat my vagina
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I think your high point was when the quesadilla was in your mouth and you were screaming "I can't chew!" and the Taco Bell guy just kinda stared at you like he wanted to strangle.
idk about you, but when i sext i just hit em with the "yo lets bang" text
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I'm sorry for peeing on you last night. Will cookies make up for it?
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