My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
On the plus side I got to ride in a fire truck and I didn't have to blow anybody for it
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
We'll I told him I wanted to keep it PG last night, but then later I asked him to take his pants off. So i'm guessing it was my fault.
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I was totally going to fuck him and then his friend walked in brushing his teeth, whipped down his pants and started doing the windmill. Ultimate cock block
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize
