i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Is it because I queefed?
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
I know how I'm going to make my fortune.. designing an icepack made specifically for the vagina.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
Will Smith has a direct hotline to my emotions
It's a sad day when you're not really phased by the McChicken video only because you've seen weirder porn.
I'm a grown ass woman. Treat me like one. Fuckboy
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
my roomie eats chipotle far too often. when i was looking for a bag to throw up in I had my choice of a wlamart bag and 10 chipotle bags
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