my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
You coming bye my yot got egg sweet carilne vodklaa
I was more concerned about the amount of mcdonalds fries on the floor around me than i was with my lack of clothes.
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
When you called me you were telling a hobo that you couldn't spare ten bucks bc that was your beer money. All your words were slurred.
Fuck him.
I just rolled an Obama blunt and a Romney shame joint for tonight. Vote wisely.
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
I haven’t taken my socks off in over 36 hours. I should add that to my bumble profile.
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
Randomize
