hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
He must be back home now. He moved his box of beer from her porch to ours.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
brushed my teeth nine times since getting home, still afraid there are pubes hiding in between my molars. fucking gummy bears
My day in three words: secret purse cake
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He smacked my ass so hard my ass cheek looks like Wilson from Cast Away
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
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