i don't know her name but she is cooking me brkfst then helpin me find my car.
she hot?
i don't wanna talk about it
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
I have shoes on. No pants. And my jacket pockets are full of ketchup and grass. Yes. Good night.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
There is blood on the door to my room, I have to go to sleep
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
btw you left your chapstick on the nightstand and bruises on my body...
gifts from me to you. you're welcome.
I kept on yelling at him to get his shit together as he was puking
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
All I remember is being lured out to sit by the fire by you holding a piece of pizza in front of me
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
Don’t be alarmed my pee bowl is in your shower
Randomize
