I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
I may be the first guy in history to get dome while watching An Extremely Goofy Movie.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
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She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
I'm starting a point system. For every 2 beer runs i do for u slackers i get a free bottle of Barefoot.
I don't know what weirder, the fact that I flat out said "I thought I deleted you from facebook" or that she responded with "I just hacked your account and readded myself". Never thought I'd say this but I wish drunk me would stop making friends!
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I understand, but unless there is an intervention for me being planned, i DON NOT want to talk about my life choices
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I just woke up on the living room floor at my parents house. The last thing I remember was making a scene at Buffalo Wild Wings because our waitress "Sent the game into overtime" with a 0-0 score
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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