My girlfriend figured out who you are.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
Does getting a boner while watching the celtic women sing opera on ETV make me cultured?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
I'm drunk in class and I'm pretty sure the bible freak behind me is saying a prayer for me
I'm guessing "whatever I can get" wasn't the reply the nurse wanted when asking what med I need. Oh, and asked for a cartoon band-aid.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
Disasters an understatement. Hurricane alpha chi omega hit. On my way to buy carpet cleaner, super glue, and a new liver. Be back soon.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
Doug the spinning teacher gave me chlyamdia
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
Randomize
