Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
If my nicknames are based on what I throw up, you can call me Jimmy Johns
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
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why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Then you started asking people on the drunk bus if they knew the word "gumption". if they didn't you told them they weren't taking advantage of their high education opportunities and you were disappointed in them.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
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