we're microwaving frozen margaritas its not the same without u
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
He just sent me a picture of me icing a cake with a butcher knife topless.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
there is literally a full grown man stuck between the radiator and her bed. i thought i kicked him out 20 minutes ago but nope we found him
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
You were, but he disappeared after you said you wanted him to get you pregnant so you'd have a child by the time the Boy Meets World sequel starts
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
I thought about mashed potatoes the whole way home
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
If you fold the laundry; booze and orgasms on me.
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
I don't know if it was the movie or the drugs but after i watched it i wore the same spongebob shirt to school for two weeks and stopped showering
Randomize
