At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
stop calling my apartment porn island.
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Just curious... Do you still have the cocks bracelet? You know, the one we pass around to whoevers been the biggest slut recently?
make sure nobody uses the downstairs toilet. i like to have an unused toilet for the weekends. dont shit where you puke i always say.
you can't wake me up at 4am to suck your dick and then give me a high five at the bar
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I have to call my new boss to accept the job offer so you have pack the bowl while I pretend I'm a responsible adult THEN we can get high
Btw, I feel the need to make sure we have no misunderstanding about this. So here goes. I'll happily mess around with you again. However, I probably won't do it while you're dressed like a creepy clown. Or any clown.
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Say thank you and give him a blowjob.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
Randomize
