U of I kids don't fist pump to Sweet Caroline. Get me the fuck out of here.
we were hanging out in his room and he decided to play WoW.. so i took off all my clothes while he wasn't paying attention and laid on his bed and started playing with myself.
did he notice?
of course he didn't notice.. he was playing a fiesty level 1 fucker that wouldn't give up..
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
literally. a puddle of blood. on the floor. still searching for the source
Ethically speaking on a scale from 1 to morally wrong, how wrong would it be to give babies ambien? Hypothetically speaking.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
I blacked out at the bar, and blcked in getting a handjob on a roller coaster. Sober me is jealous of drunk me.
The sad thing is; I'm getting used to walking around feeling like I could hurl at any minute.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
When my beach tent arrives , I strongly suggest quitting our jobs and becoming homeless beach drunks
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
Randomize
