ok, his religious views on facebook are madonna lyrics. we no longer have to wonder about his sexuality.
i called my mom using *69 and said this was the principal and Matt has a snow a day today. she believed me.
He passed out mid-signature
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
you just knocked on the window of the ambulance and waved at me as we drove away
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Two dudes. Loud music. Dancing shirtless possibly naked. Why would I ever need cable?!
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
I'm mortified. After he finished, he turned to me and said,"So, what did you think of my mom?" WTF Please tell me he was not wondering about that while he was going down on me!!!
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
Note to self. The tub labelled "not water" does not contain water.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
