i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
21 Distraught People Found Out They Had An STD
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
she might purposely get aids just to give it to you. I think she might hate you that much.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
21 Ladies Reveal The Sexiest Thing A Man Can Do In A Public Setting
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
I wanted him to come me this time. So I told him last time I was in the city I hit a lady on the head with an inflatable Santa Claus and just found out that the restraining order she requested against me was granted. We never hung out.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup