Texts From Last Night

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  (586): View more from Michigan

  In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson.

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  (586): In similar news, my cock is bigger than the plane that landed in the hudson. http://tfl.nu/nef3
  Replies (2) Good night (1407) Bad night (547)
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  (480): View more from Arizona

  I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED.

  (661): View more from California

  Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand.

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  (480): I DON'T KNOW WHERE WE ARE WE ARE TOO FUCKING ELEVATED. (661): Me either! Fuck yeah, 12th and something. 12th and hamburger stand. http://tfl.nu/omij
  Replies (16) Good night (3553) Bad night (569)
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  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...

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  (920): My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma... http://tfl.nu/z5wc
  Replies (15) Good night (889) Bad night (5222)
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  (773): View more from Illinois

  not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.

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  (773): not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know. http://tfl.nu/n0su
  Replies (40) Good night (6068) Bad night (543)
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  (217): View more from Illinois

  Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997

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  (217): Chipotle...archenemy of the gay man. Cockblocking me since 1997 http://tfl.nu/gfc1
  Replies (34) Good night (1164) Bad night (4987)
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  (541): View more from Oregon

  Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid.

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  (541): Hes the only one i know who can talk to a girl for an entire hour abuot the science in starwars and still get laid. http://tfl.nu/2ym3
  Replies (25) Good night (7496) Bad night (825)
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  (856): View more from New Jersey

  She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism

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  (856): She's like the Michael Jordan of alcoholism http://tfl.nu/a0zc
  Replies (16) Good night (1493) Bad night (813)
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  (321): View more from Florida Space Coast

  I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs

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  (321): I cant believe they held hands while getting simultaneous bjs http://tfl.nu/bews
  Replies (12) Good night (1231) Bad night (1894)
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  (540): View more from Virginia

  I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that.

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  (540): I think being an adult is being able to say no to free shots...I need to work on that. http://tfl.nu/0566
  Replies (10) Good night (1583) Bad night (600)
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  (270): View more from Kentucky

  Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail.

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  (270): Your dad just texted me? He said I needed to holler at him when I get up tomorrow. I honestly thought you had somehow gone to jail. http://tfl.nu/dt82
  Replies (2) Good night (845) Bad night (418)
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  (304): View more from West Virginia

  That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try.

  (304): View more from West Virginia

  Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone?

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  (304): That's not your dick yours is smaller. Nice try. (304): Wait why do you have a pic of someone else's dick in your phone? http://tfl.nu/y8p7
  Replies (10) Good night (518) Bad night (1200)
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  (262): View more from Wisconsin

  one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!

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  (262): one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday! http://tfl.nu/b0h1
  Replies (2) Good night (565) Bad night (269)
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  (312): View more from Illinois

  The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have

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  (312): The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have http://tfl.nu/kcpe
  Replies (3) Good night (612) Bad night (407)
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  (647): View more from Ontario

  I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you

  (289): View more from Ontario

  Is that a sex thing?

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  (647): I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you (289): Is that a sex thing? http://tfl.nu/v8ys
  Replies (0) Good night (452) Bad night (294)
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  (+10): View more from

  I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.

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  (+10): I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins. http://tfl.nu/va1r
  Replies (1) Good night (343) Bad night (179)

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