GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
so i wake up and the chick who i had sex last night left her phone number. next to the number was a broken condom. should i call?
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then he said "your boobs looked so much bigger on girls gone wild"
I forgot about that,good spring break.
i can't believe i brushed your teeth last night. so drunk.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
We were like ok let's be eachothers maid of honor and then you were like "ok see you at the wedding" and walked away
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT