What would a frattoo be? Maybe like the Chinese symbol for Keystone Light.
You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
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I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
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Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
hot boxing the bathroom at chili's. where the fuck are you, it's too big of a box for just one person.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.