She was not exactly lady-like. Down there.
I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
So it wasn't until I came that he pointed out the glow in the dark plastic star still stuck to my forehead. Fun times.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
Homeless guy on the metro is drinking beer out of a coke bottle. Hello friend.
I got to the point where it seemed like she had 8 giant breasts instead of just two
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
Thanks man, but unless some hot chick comes in to work with a case of beer and offers me a head job, I'm pretty much screwed for New Years
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
I tried to help you up but you said "let me dance it off"