too bad you live with your parents still
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I made an oral joke and he laughed... That's when I realized I wasn't Daddy's Little Girl anymore.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
And there I was, sitting Indian style on the kitchen floor, my fingers covered in peanut butter.
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
I just woke up eating some beef jerky with my cat. I think she opened the bag for us.
Getting stoned at work has never been a good idea, but im always more than willing to give it another chance
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
YOU ARE NOT A BOTTLE OF RUM THEREFORE I DONT KNOW HOW TO LOVE YOU
I really hope your new roommate never finds out we had a threesome with a bisexual British guy in his room the night before he moved in.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
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