Dude if you're in another zip code it doesn't count
You don't understand. I'm not like you.
I woke up with a black eye and dim memories of announcing that i had super powers. I shoved my pockets full of canned tuna and tried to jump off the balcony. And then my boyfriend called the cops.
so you're not coming in to work today?
I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
Hey, I can't get ahold of Tommy. Let him know his ex-girlfriend is pregnant.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I'm glad you got documented proof of my stupidity with a head full of nitrous
Hahaha and I'm glad you are doing whip its at a childrens basketball game
Bacon and your penis are involved. Of course I'm going over.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Randomize
