I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
mornings like this make me wish i was morman.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Oh my fucking god I saw the pictures. What the mother fucking fuck. Destroy the pictures. Destroy the fucking pictures.
Please confirm the destruction of the pictures. NOW.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were fine, but your knee injury definitely came from interpretive dancing like a gay fairy with lead wings all around the Mission St BART. Everyone thought you were on drugs.
So, I'm a little drunk in Seattle with Glenna, but we've all agreed that it's patriotic to think about Bill Clinton from time to time during sex. 'Merica
I don't know what's worse the fact that I woke up with a clit piercing or the fact that I didn't pay for it.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
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