Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You should have been there to see the look on her face when I told her that my dog gives better head than her. It was a beautiful symphony of shock, anger, and disbelief.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
so i had a dream that andrew cuomo ate me out. guess who i'm voting for?
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
The port-o-potty that I peed in last night didn't actually have a toilet in it. And i never told anyone until this moment.
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
I just saw a guy walking down the street without a shirt on and holding a samari sword....
Randomize
