Having your wife answer your cell was so lame. Maybe we can talk when you get your phone, your facebook account, and your balls back.
you tried to tell me that ice cream had no calories because they were "frozen"
dude thats like the second time shes peed on the couch at a party. we cant invite her anymore
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Drinking down Plan B with a 5 hour energy. Winding down welcome week in style.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
So I'm texting her. How do I steer the conversation toward "I honestly would be fine never seeing you again"?
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
I was so high I kept trying to flush the toilet with the light switch
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
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