I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
I am really glad that on the inside of a card from your grandparents you have transcribed the rules for circle of death
Dear man in the lobby please go play whith yourself elsewhere
Where are you? I just made a vodka + cranberry & I’m going to drive there & throw it in your face
Squirrels and blue jays and dove-like things. They're just frolicking around in my backyard. I wanna be like them.
Someone's playing Limp Bizkit out loud on the train. I think the decade reset it self.
i wish we had morning classes together so we can spike our coffee.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
you missed 2am bagpipes and my roommate looking hot as fuck in a kilt
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
WHY IS SHE PANDERING YOU, A SIMPLE GOBLIN, TINY WEENER PICTURES OVER STATE LINES
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
