We named our party play list daddy issues
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I started to trust fall random people on the dance floor
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
Her Grandmother felt me up AND paid for dinner. If she doesn't get her shit together I'm gonna be her Step Grandfather.
I spent ten minutes questioning her on what kind of cup she wanted... Then I asked what kind of water she wanted..
WOAH TOO HIGH
first time i ever mailed panties back to a fuck buddy. what better of a way to say its over
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
He woke up wondering who broke in and rearranged all the furniture. He reviewed 11 hours of security footage before I told him he did it while whiskey-drunk.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
I’ve got full Covid immunity, blonde hair and great tits! I’m basically unstoppable
Randomize
