I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
I believe that I finger-banged my way to the top of the corporate ladder.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
you win again, gameday.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cant leave dude. theres a horse with a top hat on
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
I took 36 pictures of my lava lamp. your weed wins.
She judged ME for picking my nose when SHE has the clap.
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I see myself subsisting on tequila for the next several days.
You stumbled in the door as high as a kite, & ran into the table. I asked you if you were all right. You replied with "I don't have any soup."
Wait. How did I get engaged last night?
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
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