So Ive been fucking her for the past couple months and i just found our that my grandfather and her grandmother were fuck buddies for a while. I feel like this is a new awesome family tradition that skips a generation.
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
I think he's having people over to watch him get way too drunk again
The less fucks you give, the more fucks you get. Kinda like "a penny saved is a penny earned" but with vagina.
Taking a shit on the side of the road is not how I imagined this morning would start.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
NATIONAL GIVE A BOSTON COP A BLOW JOB BITCH ROAD TRIP NOW
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
Randomize
