Where is the hickey?
You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
The condition was that I had to eat her out to Beethoven
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I DONT WANT YOUR DICK. I WANT BRUNCH.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
Cmon. I wasn't that bad.
You stumbled ass first into the litter box, and everytime we tried to get you to move you said " if I fits. I sits."
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
