I read the police report. You asked the cop if you could use his in-car computer to update your facebook. No way you get out of a DUI.
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
I just recognized Courtney in a crowded Trader Joe's solely by seeing her ass. In other news, I survived the first round of layoffs today.
I'm not sure which feat is more impressive...
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Im gnna go loik fir my newq gay friuend now
Goodbee
Hey.. Lock your door. There's a drunk girl walking around in here. She just came in my room and peed on my chair.
holy shit! you were walking down a hill and just happened to be passing a trash can like 4 ft away and projectile vomited over a fence into the trash can. kept walking and drank a beer.
Randomize
