I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
like the only thing i remember is bringing a piece of toast to the bar...
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
My night can be summed up in 3 words: Vodka. Threesomes. Hospital.
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
Well let me fuck you while I make potatoes. It's every girls dream
They found me wandering around campus screaming body shots over and over again wrapped in a curtain
Dude I woke up with a handprint shaped bruise on my ass, a pong ball in my cleavage, and somebody else's gold chain around my neck. Who's house am I in?
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
Randomize
