Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
Pretty sure I left lotion and my bra in your car. I've secured your fathers belief that your straight. You can thank me later
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
sorry i was making out with matt didn't mean for it to sound like that. there was no tone
there should be a new saying, don't text and tongue
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm handcuffed to the toilet. Don't ask
I don't know but the stairs are covered in apples
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Call me something sexy & ethnic. Like jasmine. But mystical too. Like Mermaid Jasmine. And throw Glitter somewhere in there too.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
New low reached: a cockroach has actually drowned itself in our dirty dishes. We are heathens. Cleaning dance party tonight. No excuses.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
He left a full handprint on my ass. He called it a "five-star review."
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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