sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
He bought me shots at the bar as his way of of paying me back for Plan B
It's only 11:30 and she's already making friends with the homeless...
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
I've had way too many dicks in my mouth the past two weeks. Ready to go back to school and be a doctor now
Apparently I’m a terrible influence when alcohol is involved
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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