I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
My parents just suggested that we tailgate the midnight christmas service. this is my gene pool.
the doctor said its the kinda of pregnant you dont recover from
i have two emotions: emotionless and blind with rage
When he sent me a picture, I swear my vag frowned. That tiny.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
Just fucked up my mustache shaving, gonna have to take it off because now it makes me look like a pedophile
FYI your old mustache made you look like a pedophile
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I feel better now, I have multiple fuck buddies again
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
Randomize
