My boss' voice literally gives me gas
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I was looking at your puke while I was peeing in it the next morning and that ceasar salad did not treat you well
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
5 minutes Isn't even long enough to bring me even close to an orgasm. How selfish. Think about baseball and fuck me you idiot.
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
