I just got back to Nicks and I shoul dnot have drank this much when I have to work at 7AM!!!!!
I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
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it's like i need an invisible sign across my boobs that says "DOESN'T HAVE DADDY ISSUES" that only old men can see
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
No. I want him to marry me so we can spend our lives together. I also want a to-scale model of his genitals to mount above my fireplace
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
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Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
I wish I got tanner on friday but I feel like I spent most of my time puking in the bathroom. I love my life
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