Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
Im about to shotgun a beer using my mother's knitting needles. home sweet home.
I know you don't remember, but the teeth marks on my face say it happened.
I'm tangled in a fishing net down at the harbor. This has nothing to do with Captain Morgan. Bring wirecutters.
I need a vacation from myself..this is duely noted after I tried giving myself a concussion last night
If man night ends at some point, hit me up and let me prove my vagina still exists.
Nothing like waking up naked and alone on your floor to remind you that you make life mistakes often.
Great. Now I have to produce, edit and leak a sex tape before Saturday. Fundraising is hard.
Usually I just ask myself "have I been naked here?" If the answer is no I correct the situation.
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Today, this cop risk his life to save me from a sink hole but all I could do is laugh, I was so stoned
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
There is this guy in here. He didn't even get ice cream he just filled up his cup with mini marshmellows, chocolate syrup, about a lb of grahm cracker crumbs and walked around to everyone in the shop saying "hey, hey look here, I just made fucking s'mores." He was SO proud of himself.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
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