so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
This girl told me she was a virgin the other day. I felt like I was talking to a unicorn.
She threw her promise ring on the ground, that's when the freak came out.
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
Shot gunning beers for breakfast. You better be ready for today.
Yeah, clearly. And then we can float around my room on Christmas themed inner tubes. And drink, I guess.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
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