we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
it's like a walk of shame rule, you always run into someone who saw you wearing that yesterday
Vodka @ 9pm. Library. Nothing can go wrong, I promise.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
high enough to want to lick peanut butter off of Michael Buble's vocal chords as he serenades me.
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
How was the party last night?
There's a mountain bike in the middle of our apartment. No one will claim it.
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
My brother slept till 4, bought a sword, got drunk and sharpened said sword. I went to corporate compliance training. Life is not fair.
I'm such a good drunk match marker. You single, you single... Drunk friend meet single boy. BOOM illegitimate baby made!
New war strategy! The ex-girlfriend of my ex-girlfriend is now my twice a week booty call!
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
