that girl last night was a 15
wait she was 15?
no like black jack not sure if you should hit it
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
She told me to "stuff her hole like a build-a-bear". I was so drunk I didn't even think that was weird.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
I could see myself reflected in his wedding band as i was going down on him.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
The dog destroyed my vibrator and swallowed several pieces. Vet gave us a laxative so now I’m checking lots of dog shit and having no orgasms. Plus the cute vet knows I don’t get enough dick, so that’s just great
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
