hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
After I made out with her she fell asleep and started pooting in her sleep. Are we sure lesbians are hot? Cause that wasn't.
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
You both ran and jumped into the tub yelling Jamaican bobsled team
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
Looks like it rained condoms in my room last night
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
I don't think there's a ladylike way to tell this guy I want to sit on his face
Turns out naked yoga wasn't a pickup line. I feel betrayed.
Randomize
