If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
He yelled IN THE FACE!! while cumming on my face.
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Today is leap day..... If that's not an excuse to blackout all day I don't know what is
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
DISHONOR ON YOU. DISHONOR ON YO FAMILY. DISHONOR ON YO COW
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
How the hell could he be confused. He had a naked girl running to him. I feel like he would enjoy that.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
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