i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
She called all of my friends to find out where I was last night. 7 out of ten said their place.
At 4 am, making my walk of shame, the hotel security followed me to my car with his flashlight shined directly on me. I felt like either a criminal or like I was about to get raped. Can't a girl sneak out of a hotel room without an actual spotlight on her?!?!?!
I'll get you through man, I'll be your fairy godmother with better prescription drugs
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
I tried to avoid catching feelings but then he took me out to breakfast
You're the air beneath my wings and the lookout when I pee
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