i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
perfect. if all else fails remind him how anxious he is. talk real fast and induce a panic attack that only I can remedy with xanax.
Blonde girl lying face-down, passed out next to my bed, walls are covered in guacamole. College is looking excellent.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
What's the point of bringing a Jack and Coke to work if my boss is just gonna piss and moan about me day drinking again?
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
I just used a gift card from my in-laws to buy their daughter a vibrator. What even are morals?
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Randomize
