Omg I def was not. I wasn't that drunk. I showed that I stuff my bra but I didn't whip my tit out.
At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
the EMT asked how you broke your nose and you said, "you know, the usual wear and tear."
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
I just bought a vibrating toothbrush with my parents FSA insurance card because I'm too broke for a vibrator. New.Level.Of.Low.
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
You know I'm dangerous when I have make-out withdrawals
I just wish my penis was a person so I could give him a high five.
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
I went 670% over budget on my vacation. My accountant would flip if he weren't me.
How the fuck do you have so much free time?
Polyphasic sleep schedule.
This place is a maelstrom of dicks.
I mean as in stuck up bastards, not actual, desirable male genitalia. My point is, come pick me up fast, please!
You haven't lived until you have fucked while Fantasia is on
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
