my mom just asked me about sexting and if I have ever sent a naked picture to anyone. i fucking hate fox news.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Either I'm tripping balls or my dog has super powers.
The word cocktail makes me want to rip my liver out and nail it to a cross.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
so i might have figured out why that girl isn't talking to me...I'm 90% confident I didn't give her a pillow when she stayed over >.>
I consider any night I don't make out with someone a bad night. So I've been great.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
I forgot about snapchatting a pic of us, but I remember flossing with your hair.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
It took me twenty minutes to read that sentence.
All I said was okay...
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
why is half of my head shaved?
Randomize
