Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Donatello, and Hermione Granger. I have no idea who they are, and it doesn't upset me at all.
Black out sex on the trampoline? yes please.
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
Meghan got a job at the bar. We're now morally obligated to drink. Is this what dreams are made of?
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
My sister was borrowing my phone when the sext came through. She just said "wow. He's got a nice dick!" Then went on like nothing happened. Outed by a dick pic and its no big deal. Best sister ever.
I'm going to start referring to my liver is Livy. I feel like if I give it an affectionate nickname it will hate me less. Livy isn't ready for syllabus week.
I think we all know your liver needs a man's name.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
It got weird the panthers lost and we started throwing wings at one another
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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