do you want me to make hamburgers?
i'm vegan
i'll put lettuce on them
There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
We need to talk in the morning. The guy I was with just interpreted me taking off my earrings as code for "let me take off my pants."
That's the great thing about NY, if you pee your dress you have an entire cab ride to air dry your panties before the next club.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
What use have I for dignity? It just get's in the way of the really fun stuff.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
