I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
I'm watching i used to be fat. I've been doing crunches for the last half hour yelling at the slut on tv to stop crying and do crunches.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Every concussion has its silver lining
Dear Penis Owner...our records show that you are overdue for servicing...please contact our friendly associates to schedule a thoroughly satisfying experience today...operators are standing by...
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
Next time I think buying tan-thru bikinis is a good idea, remind me of that time I passed out in one and burned the epic shit out of my pussy.
When was that?
Yesterday. Bring aloe. For my pussy.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
It's fucking 2020, I should be able to watch Netflix in the buff while making brownies without you getting preachy about it.
Randomize