Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
you're like a bully in the Christmas story
why the FUCK would i wear makeup on my vagina!?
Great, now everyone thinks I've had giraffe semen in me
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
So..I walked into his bathroom and found a bong and a blender in the shower.....normal?
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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