I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Your children are clinging to me like my teets are full of bountiful milkiness. They're driving me nuts. I felt my uterus shrivel up.
A guy just grabbed my balls before he shook my hand because he thought he knew me.
Haha I had a heart to heart with a stripper so I would say it was a success?
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
I don't know if I'm more disturbed by the fact that you hooked up with a dude with one arm, or that "hook up with a dude with one arm" was on your bucket list.
This is a hangover from hell. Delivered by the devil himself.
Shame - the story of my life.
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