This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
batman tramp stamp. Dibs.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Why have they been driving around the block for the past 30 min?
He told her it was international road head day.
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
I'm not the kind of girl that sleeps with someone else's boyfriend. But I'm getting waxed just in case I change my mind...
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
