Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
take 2 Ambien then drink a Red Bull and watch Alice in Wonderland. Trust me.
asked the cab driver where he learned Swahili last night.
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Thanks for supporting me through Robs retirement. I'm still in shock, but your dick helped.
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