I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
They better compete for your attention. Dual to the fuck
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
I probably should have told her I was actually the drunkest one there before she let me pierce her ear
Randomize
