I just had one of those nervous system things in my thumb...I'm pretty sure I have cancer.
You would get kicked out of the study lounge for being drunk the monday of finals week
well hello there hangover. fancy meeting you here on this BRIGHT thursday morning.
apparently he couldn't remember my name so he refereed to me as whats-her-boobs and everyone knew that it was me he was talking about
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
Swear to god, if I have to wingman for you on my honeymoon I'm gonna be pissed
OHMYGOD did I try to use pinesol as a mixer?
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Those were some damn good pancakes you made last night.
Dude I've been in FL since Monday.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
I have jury duty tomorrow
I almost deep fried my finger today and yet I think you are worse off than I am.
They were so sore! Either I have bed bugs or you were biting my nipples last night and don't lie to me.
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
Randomize
