Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
the way i see it, im about one adderall binge away from graduating
My niece just unknowingly cock blocked me. Obviously, someone won't be getting a christmas present this year.
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
and the oscar for 'most creative swearing' goes to you for 'jesus's bloody fucksticks'
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
can we drink soon
I'm not sure who this is but I'm free tomorrow night
"suitors" is just a nice way of her saying "the guys i'm fucking"
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
